What is imposter syndrome?
Feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy with no substantial evidence to back it up can be unsettling at best. Some call it intellectual fraudulence, others call it imposter syndrome.
It may not seem like it, but our emotional state is driven from the meanings we attach to our thoughts.
We feel the way we think, and we act on what we feel.
More often than not when situations are uncomfortable or difficult we attach meanings that are unhelpful, or really weighted against us, in other words negative and not necessarily realistic or accurate. We do this because we are hard wired to protect ourselves. Negativity is our way of being prepared for danger, threat or risk.
Would it be fair to say you have jumped to a wrong conclusion as some point in your life? Of course you have, we’ve all done that. Your brain is trying to protect you.
A basic and somewhat silly example:
Mary sees her best friend Sandra across the street and waves hello
Sandra ignores her
Mary concludes she must have done something to upset Sandra, she’s clearly a terrible friend.
Is this a reasonable conclusion to make? Mary has no facts to back up the meaning she has attached, the conclusion she had arrived at.
Mary decided on an extreme conclusion based on perhaps her own fears, this is what we tend to do with in imposter syndrome. We fear failure therefore we project that feeling and come to a conclusion that we are inadequate.
The good news is that we can train ourselves to perceive a different meaning. When you change the meaning or conclusion, you control the narrative and therefore the emotions or feelings.
We start by asking 3 questions:
Am I taking a relatively simple event and drawing a harsh conclusion about myself?
Am I deciding that this one thing defines me entirely? (Like Mary)
Does the conclusion lead me to feel better or worse about myself?
If you can answer yes to any of those questions then it’s likely you are experiencing distorted thoughts.
Here are a few examples to consider:
Catastrophising
Taking a relatively minor event and imagining disasters from that one event, without perspective. For example: you’re waiting on your teenager coming home, they were meant to be home at 10pm, at 10.05 you imagine they have accepted a lift home from a stranger, at 10.08 they’ve been in an accident and by 10.15 you’re imagining they’re dead in a ditch. To overcome this, we need to gain perspective and consider less terrifying alternatives by weighing up the evidence.
Black & White thinking
This is about the all or nothing extremes. You’re trying to lose weight and end up having a cake, all or nothing thinking would make you decide that the whole thing is now pointless, your plan is in ruins you may as well eat the whole box. Extreme thinking can lead to extreme behaviours, so we need to develop reasoning skills. Think like a thermometer in degrees of temperature and not just hot or cold. Also, be realistic, life is full of mistakes, accept this reality and move forward.
Fortune-telling
Predicting a future that you can’t possibly see. “I’m going to get fired if I don’t get that piece of work in on time, I’ll have to sell the house, the car, my partner will leave me, and I’ll be out on the street”. Understand that past experiences do not determine your future and that we tend to predict what we fear the most. Consider that “guesses” may be wrong and be prepared to take some risk.
Low frustration tolerance
Labelling difficulty is about the language we speak in our own head. If we can change our internal voice to less extreme or more positive language it can really benefit our overall mental health. Push yourself to do things that are uncomfortable and practice really living in the reality of levels of difficulty rather than extremes.
Learning to recognise and manage our thought distortions isn’t something we can do overnight. Sorry to break the bad news but this is a rest of your life deal, just like your physical health. Practice a little every day though and you can really tune into your thoughts.
The good news is you have plenty of opportunity, we have around 6000 thoughts every day!